Can the sex industry help you to deepen your relationship and feel closer to each other?
What do you think of the sex industry?
Most of us will have an opinion and I suspect that the majority of us will subscribe to the opinion that it’s bad, it encourages sex crimes, it objectifies women, all sex workers are desperate drug addicts doing it to sustain a habit, and the clients are sad, dirty old men. It’s a popular opinion and one that the media likes to uphold, after all, as a self-appointed monitor of social mores it has a duty to tell us what’s good for us and what isn’t. Doesn’t it?
So why does the media also use sex to sell? In fact, why does any brand or product use sex to sell? As we have grown accustomed to in our media, it is a classic case of double-standards.
In short, we’re all fascinated by sex. If we’re not having it ourselves, we think about it, we compare ourselves with the unknown of other people’s sex lives; How do they do it? How often do they do it? Who do they do it with? Do they have any fetishes? Are they kinky? Do they visit sex clubs or prostitutes?
We make up all sorts of stories about other people and the sex they may or may not be having, and we elaborate on it by the images the media projects at us every millisecond of the day.
So, it’s not surprising that much of my work is focused on sex in relationships, or outside of relationships, or solo sex, or what is or isn’t acceptable.
Which takes me back to my question about the sex industry. Many of the single clients I work with come to me despondent with dating. They date not because they want or feel ready for a new relationship but because they have sexual desires and urges that need to be met. They endure a string of unhealthy relationships and/or one-night stands that meet their immediate needs but create a host of other issues when they don’t want to pursue the relationship further, not to mention the impact it has on the other person.
And where couples have differing sex drives, or health issues, the lack of sex (and rejection) in their life can cause problems for one party whereas the pressure of performing when nothing seems to work causes problems for the other party.
Many of my clients have looked at me in shock when I’ve suggested using the services of the sex industry.
As a former sex-worker I’m familiar with how the industry works, I’m very aware of the good and bad of the industry, and I’m also aware of the service that the sex industry provides.
In short, it is simply a service industry.
If you have a bad back you visit a chiropractor, if you need your hair cut you visit a hairdresser, if you want your house cleaned you hire a cleaner, and if you want your sexual needs met? Your only socially acceptable options are;
- Run the dating gamut until you meet someone you like enough to have sex with and who wants and is ready to have sex with you.
- Go out ‘on the pull’ and have a one-night stand.
- Settle in for some DIY.
- Have an affair to get your needs met, then be eaten up by guilt and destroy your relationship.
It is the only basic need that it is not deemed socially acceptable to go out and buy a ‘cure’ for. Why is that?
Numerous research has shown that the majority of sex workers are there through choice. Albeit, the research participant numbers are low given that many sex workers are afraid of being outed, but time and again the research shows the same results. This doesn’t mean however, that there is no violence or trafficking or danger inherent in the job. There is, and this is what the media chooses to report when talking about the industry. It makes far better reading and upholds the moral standards much more than reporting on the majority of sex workers choosing to enter the profession and actually enjoying their work. Further information and some myth busters can be found here https://prostitutescollective.net/fact-and-fiction/
Knowing all of this it was with some trepidation that I tuned in to watch “Good Luck to you, Leo Grande” on Amazon Prime recently. I love Emma Thompson but was concerned that the hype of the film would far outweigh the reality. What I saw was a film that addressed so many of the issues I recognised from my own time in the sex industry and that I hear so many sex workers talk about too. It looked at the perspective of both the escort and the client and addressed the issue from the point of view of a first-time, then repeat client.
I won’t say more about it here, but I recommend you watch it for something that doesn’t sensationalise the sex industry or provide titillation, but simply explores an everyday reality.
As I said above, it is simply a service industry, providing a much-needed service to those who choose to pay for it. And it can prove to be an asset to your relationship.
If any of issues I’ve mentioned are affecting your relationship then get in touch. All relationships are different and I do not work on a one-solution-fits all basis.