How Prince Harry & Meghan Markle shed light on your relationship issues

Over the past few weeks I have watched the Harry and Meghan documentary series on Netflix.

I watched it out of curiosity, and because I really wanted it to reinforce what I believed I already knew about them and therefore, my opinion of them.

What it actually did was make me question my beliefs and opinion.

You see, my opinion and beliefs had been formed from what I had consumed from popular media, television, and social media.

None of what I believed I knew was apparent in their documentary.

I’m very aware that editors can edit a programme to tell whatever story they want it to tell, but equally, they need that story to be cohesive and compelling, and believable.

I’m also aware that Meghan is an actor, but ask anyone who has ever done any acting and they will tell you how difficult it is to maintain consistency in personality for a prolonged period of time, unless you have a total personality change.

When I watched the documentary I saw a couple very much in love.  I also saw them hurt and scared.

I have empathy with them.  I understand their frustration in trying to tell their side of the story when everyone else already believes they know what really happened.

I understand the frustration of just wanting to be listened to and believed. I went through the same when fighting to become my son’s primary carer.  No-one wanted to listen to my side of the story, choosing instead to believe my ex-husband’s version of events and the public version they saw of me – the face I painstakingly painted on every time I left the house.  Even the legal system in whom I trusted believed I “couldn’t possibly be the victim of abuse because I was a confident and eloquent witness.”  They had no way of knowing the strength it had taken to get into that court room, and speak of my experience.  I collapsed and vomited after leaving court.  It was an experience that led me to taking an overdose.  I’m not surprised that Meghan is said to have considered the same.

There is no right or wrong in a situation like this.

Each party is telling their truth from their own perspective, and no-one else on the planet will know their truth more than them.

No-one else can judge how their experiences make them feel psychologically.  No-one else can dictate the toll it may take on them.

Yes, it’s easy to sit back and say they’ve got it easy, they’re privileged, they have no idea what it’s ‘really’ like, but the reality is, this is a couple who want to raise and protect their family from a daily onslaught that none of us can begin to comprehend.

I see a couple living in a gilded cage.

When the likes of you and I go live on social media or publish a photo, the likelihood is that we’ve prepared for the occasion or chosen a photo specifically because we want to show our best side or to illustrate our point.

We don’t have to worry about sneaky photographers trying to capture a sly photo of us not looking our best, or worry about people filming our every move on their phones and then posting it on social media.  We don’t have to worry about being ‘on’ every time we leave our front door.  We don’t have to worry about ours or our children’s privacy being invaded or strangers hiding in our garden or following us in our cars.  We don’t have to worry about our family and friends being approached and harassed for stories about us.  We don’t have to worry about our words and actions being twisted until they have no bearing on what we really said or meant.

We don’t have to worry about looking over our shoulders every time we leave the house.

Unless of course you’ve been in an abusive relationship or had a stalker, then you spend your life living in chronic stress.  And chronic stress has a devastating impact on your physiology as well as your psychology.

In Harry and Meghan I saw a privileged couple, very much in love but living a life of chronic stress.

I also saw a couple using their privilege and status for good.  To me, that says more about them than anything else.

In watching their documentary I was able to gain a more balanced perspective and recognise that this is a couple who have tried to make things right but made mistakes along the way.  How many of us can say we’ve never made a mistake or hurt someone?  How many of us have never had our words or actions twisted, misinterpreted and used against us?  How many of us have had to handle all of that in the full glare of the world’s media?

Whatever the truth behind the story, I suspect we will never know.  The monarchy have a whole team of advisors who are doing what they believe to be best, possibly with a view to furthering their own careers.  Every action that is taken, every decision made by anyone of us, is only ever done from our own perspective and the information that is available to us at the time.

Think of that next time you decide that your partner is wrong, your boss has no idea, or your family can go **** themselves!

Every single person, including you, is operating from their own view of the World which is different for all of us.  Our own personalised operating system.

We may share similar experiences but our experiences will never be identical, even if we were in the same place at exactly the same time surrounded by exactly the same people.  It will be different.

I for one am grateful that I don’t have to live my life in the public eye, and no amount of privilege could make me want to swap places with either Meghan, Harry or any of the Royal Family.

Make part of your operating system to show compassion, show empathy and show kindness to everyone.