Happy Star Wars Day!

Happy Star Wars Day.

That is such a difficult sentence for me to write.

For so many years the mere mention of Star Wars, the sound of the Imperial March on the radio, on TV or in adverts was enough to send me spiralling.

It took me back to my psychologically abusive marriage, where my controlling husband was a massive Star Wars fan.

Back then the telephone in our house was a Darth Vader Mask which ‘breathed’ in Darth Vader fashion rather than ring like a telephone.

I walked down the aisle on our wedding day to the Imperial March, and the rest of the music at our wedding was from the Star Wars soundtrack.

My husband had even wanted to dress as Darth Vader to exchange vows, suggesting that I should dress as Princess Leia.

He relented when my mother suggested to him the night before the wedding that I was unlikely to through with it if Darth Vader was waiting for me at the end of the aisle. Don’t say it, hindsight is a marvellous tool!

Even now, some 22 years after that day, and 17 years after leaving that marriage, I still hold my breath on May the Fourth.  I resist scrolling social media too much, I avoid listening to radio or watching TV, and I inwardly tense and feel a little sick whenever someone says “Happy Star Wars Day” or “May the Fourth be with you”.

I know that it’s meant as a fun greeting, but for someone for whom Star Wars has more negative connotations than positive, it’s a day I’d rather let pass. Or like today, acknowledge that it’s out there and quietly congratulate myself that this year it didn’t impact me quite as much as last year, or the year before, or the many years before that.

And before you ask, NO, I won’t be watching it if it’s on TV today!

As I’ve written this, I have heard no less than 6 references to May the Fourth and Star Wars in a 30-second introduction to what I thought would be a ‘safe’ radio programme!

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about this date, I’m sure it won’t be the last.  However, I know that each time I acknowledge it, it gets easier, and that in my book is a Force to be reckoned with!

Check out this blog from the archives.