May the 4th……..be with you!

My social media has been full of memes celebrating Star Wars Day today – May the 4^th be with you!  It’s a clever play on words from one of the most successful film franchises of all time.

However, for many years, I did all I could to avoid seeing or hearing any media on May 4^th simply because it is known as Star Wars Day.

You see, Star Wars was for a very long time one of the triggers that took me back to my psychologically abusive marriage. I write about it in depth in my book ‘Whatever it takes: Living with, Leaving and Surviving Psychological Abuse’.

Much is written about people’s triggers, we learn about triggers for PTSD and so many people today say they are ‘triggered’ by something or another.  It is used in so many settings to excuse poor behaviour or a misguided response to something someone has either said or done, that when someone says they are ‘triggered’ it is very often not met with the attention or support it requires.

We don’t always know if someone has been subject to domestic abuse, we’re not always aware if someone has PTSD, such scars and conditions are not always visible.  Very often, the first we know of them is when someone has what to many people can only be described as an ‘abnormal reaction’ to something fairly innocuous such as in my case, May the 4^th or Star Wars.  In fact, there was another occasion when my newly decorated office in an administrative role I had triggered a memory that had lain dormant from my first marriage which was physically and sexually abusive.

It has taken many years of work from me to be able to even tolerate Star Wars on TV, there was a time where I wouldn’t even work with someone who said they were a Star Wars fan because the association to Star Wars created far too strong a response from my nervous system, taking me back to a place where I was forced to watch Star Wars movies, quizzed and tested on my Star Wars knowledge and ridiculed for not knowing various plot twists, intricacies of character relationships or which film came in which order.

Even now, I will choose not to watch Star Wars if I can although I no longer have a problem if someone is a Star Wars fan.

We hear so often about hidden disabilities; hidden abuse needs just as much consideration.  We never truly know what is going on behind closed doors or Behind the Mask that people wear in public.  Next time someone you know has an extreme response to something fairly innocuous, rather than making a harsh judgement, gently ask them what’s wrong.  You might give them the lifeline they need.