You Don’t Have to Do It All to Make Things Happen

For capable, high-achieving women, doing everything ourselves can feel like a strength. But what if our greatest contribution comes from knowing where to direct our energy and when to let other people contribute?

I’ve spent more than 35 years being the person who makes things happen.

As an Executive Assistant, anticipating needs, solving problems and taking responsibility are fundamental parts of my professional life.

I’m very good at it.  And I enjoy it.

But there’s something I’ve been questioning increasingly.

When did being capable of doing something become a reason to believe I should always be the one to do it?

It’s a distinction that sounds obvious until you begin examining how you actually spend your time.

Because many of us have become so accustomed to being resourceful, dependable and self-sufficient that we rarely stop to consider whether we’re using those qualities in the most effective way.

We simply keep doing.

And perhaps that’s not always the best use of what we bring.

The hidden cost of doing everything yourself

There’s a particular satisfaction in knowing you can work something out.

• A new piece of software.
• A complicated process.
• A problem nobody else seems able to solve.

You research.

You experiment.

You persevere.

And eventually, you succeed.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

But there’s a question we don’t always ask.

Was it actually the best use of my time?

I’ve been building my coaching business alongside a demanding corporate career.

I write.

I speak.

I coach.

I develop ideas, programmes and resources.

And there are all sorts of technical and administrative activities involved in turning those ideas into something people can use.

I could spend hours learning how to do every part myself.

But I’ve chosen to work with a Virtual Assistant who helps me with systems, automations and the presentation of my workbooks.

And that decision has taught me something important.  Getting support doesn’t mean I’ve become less capable.  It means I’ve become more intentional about how I use my capability.

The difference between getting help and creating a partnership

There’s another aspect of this that matters.

The value of working with somebody else isn’t simply that they complete tasks.  The right person brings their own experience, judgement and perspective.

My VA doesn’t just follow instructions.  She challenges my thinking.  She spots things I may have overlooked.  She anticipates what might be needed.  She helps translate ideas into practical systems.

In other words, she’s doing exactly the kind of work I’ve spent much of my professional career doing for other people.

And there’s a certain irony in that.

As an EA, I know that the greatest value of executive support rarely sits in the visible task.  It sits in the understanding behind it.

The context.  The judgement. The ability to anticipate. The confidence to challenge. The willingness to take ownership.

So why would I assume that when I’m the person receiving support, the value should suddenly be measured only by the tasks completed?

A good professional partnership allows both people to contribute their strengths.

It’s not about one person being capable and the other providing assistance.

It’s about recognising that two capable people can create something neither would necessarily achieve as effectively alone.

When experience becomes something you can give

Something else happened recently that reinforced this thinking.

I attended an event for Executive Assistants.  I’d seen it advertised, thought it looked interesting and booked myself a place.

I wasn’t there with an elaborate business development strategy. I simply wanted to participate.

During the evening, I shared an example from my own professional experience to illustrate a point being discussed.  Afterwards, several younger EAs approached me with questions and asked for advice.

Later, when I thanked the organiser, she asked whether she could contact me about potentially including my coaching in their offering.

It was a lovely moment.

Not because it guaranteed a new opportunity.  But because I recognised what was happening.

I hadn’t needed to demonstrate every qualification I’d achieved.  I hadn’t needed to explain my entire professional history.  I hadn’t needed to persuade anybody that I had something valuable to offer.

I’d simply contributed what I knew.  And that experience had value to other people.

Sometimes we become so accustomed to our own expertise that we forget how useful it can be.

What feels obvious to us may be exactly what somebody else needs to hear.  What we’ve learned through decades of experience may help somebody avoid a mistake, make a decision or recognise their own capability.

And we don’t always need to package that knowledge into something elaborate before it becomes valuable.

Sometimes we simply need to share it.

The pressure to keep proving ourselves

I think there’s a connection between these experiences and the wider expectations placed upon capable women.

We become accustomed to demonstrating our value through effort.

• How much we achieve.
• How much we manage.
• How many responsibilities we absorb.
• How effectively we keep everything moving.

And eventually, we can begin to confuse contribution with constant activity.  If we’re not busy, are we doing enough?

If somebody else can complete a task, are we somehow less valuable?  If an opportunity arises without a great deal of struggle, have we really earned it?

Those questions aren’t always conscious. But they can influence our behaviour.

We take on things we don’t need to.  We resist asking for support.  We create unnecessary work for ourselves.

And we overlook the possibility that our greatest contribution might not require us to be the person doing everything.

Being valuable isn’t the same as being endlessly busy.

And professional confidence doesn’t have to be measured by how much we can carry.

Self-leadership is also about what we choose not to do

When we talk about self-leadership, it’s easy to focus on action.

• Making decisions.
• Taking responsibility.
• Building confidence.
• Creating opportunities.

Those things matter.  But there’s another side to it.

Choosing what we won’t do.

Recognising when somebody else is better placed to contribute.  Allowing ourselves to receive support.  Declining responsibilities that don’t align with our priorities.

And creating enough space to recognise opportunities when they appear.

That doesn’t mean becoming passive.  It means becoming selective.

There’s an important difference between drifting through life and allowing things to unfold without trying to control every detail.

One involves surrendering our choices.  The other involves trusting ourselves enough to exercise them thoughtfully.

I’ve spent many years being determined, resourceful and resilient.  Those qualities have helped me navigate difficult circumstances and build a life I’m proud of.

I don’t want to lose them.

But I’m discovering that I don’t always need to rely upon sheer determination to make progress.

Sometimes progress comes from collaboration.  Sometimes from conversation.  Sometimes from recognising the value of what I’ve already learned.

And sometimes from giving myself permission to stop pushing quite so hard.

Making room for what matters

Perhaps this is the question we should be asking more often.

Not simply:  What else could I do?

But:  What could become possible if I stopped believing I had to do everything myself?

For one woman, the answer might involve asking for support at work.

For another, it might mean delegating something at home.

For somebody else, it could be giving herself permission to pursue an interest that has been waiting quietly in the background.

And for some of us, it may mean recognising that our experience, judgement and presence are already valuable without another qualification, another achievement or another demonstration of how much we can manage.

I still love making things happen.

I still enjoy solving problems.

I still want to learn, contribute and grow.

But I’m increasingly interested in doing those things on my own terms.  Not because I’ve become less ambitious.  Because I’m becoming clearer about where my ambition belongs.

You don’t have to do it all to make things happen.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is make room for what only you can bring.

A question to take away

Think about something you’re currently doing simply because you’re capable of doing it.

Ask yourself:  Is this where I genuinely want to spend my time and energy?

Could somebody else contribute something valuable?  

What would become possible if I approached it differently?

You don’t need to change everything.

But perhaps you can begin making a more conscious choice about one thing.

Because your capability belongs to you.

And you get to decide how you use it.